Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish my penis had a tongue
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
