He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
