i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
