It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
