Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
a search helicopter?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
