I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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