I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
