His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
