Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
