I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
