Screwed.edu
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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