I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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