I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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