oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
