There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
