I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
