I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
