Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
