just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
