The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
