we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
