i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
