the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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