Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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