no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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