Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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