Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
