Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
