if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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