fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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