i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
