Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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