turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't deserve a penis
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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