He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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