so that wasnt chicken after all
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
