so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
