you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
