i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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