hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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