you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
