I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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