fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
