Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
