my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
