why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
