Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
