she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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