That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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