I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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