i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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