I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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