I just saw a hot homeless man
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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