Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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