This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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