State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
