just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
