Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
