She is in my trunk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
