The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
