3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
