Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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