She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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