Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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