Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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