After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
