True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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