i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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