his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
