i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
