Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
