Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
