Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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