i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
