like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
