Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm really into asian looking animals
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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