Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
