Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize