two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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