my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
