the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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