the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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