im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
